Whatever is not transformed is transferred.

Breaking the Cycle: Elevating Ourselves to Heal Our Families

Today, I want to talk about something I recently overcame with my family and then it happened to be the topic of our service today at church. How do we survive our families generational trauma, and learn to thrive through them. In Cadre of Men we focus on us men stepping up, working on ourselves, and lifting our families in the process. But more than that, it's about taking on the responsibility to end the patterns of pain that have been passed down through generations.

The Power of Men Rising Up

As men, we're often seen as the providers, the protectors, the rocks our families lean on. That role comes with its own set of battles. Long hours at work, financial pressures, emotional burnout—it's easy to feel like we're just grinding through life without much room for growth. Here's the truth I've learned: true strength isn't about enduring silently; it's about intentionally elevating ourselves.

When we commit to personal growth—whether that's hitting the gym to build discipline, reading books on leadership, or seeking therapy to unpack our own baggage—we don't just become better versions of ourselves. We become better for our families. Imagine coming home not drained and distant, but energized and present. Your kids see a dad who's modeling resilience and self-improvement. Your wife feels supported by a partner who's actively investing in the relationship. It's a ripple effect. By working on our mindset, skills, and habits, we're not only conquering our own challenges but empowering everyone around us to do the same.

I've seen this in my own life. A few years back, I was stuck in a rut—overworking to provide, but neglecting my emotional health. It strained my marriage and left me short-tempered with the kids. Once I started prioritizing my growth, everything shifted. I became more patient, more communicative, and suddenly, our home felt like a team effort rather than a battlefield.

The Weight of Generational Trauma

Generation Trauma—the invisible baggage we carry from our parents, grandparents, and beyond. Maybe it's patterns of anger from a tough upbringing, financial insecurities handed down like an unwanted heirloom, addictions, or even emotional unavailability that's been normalized in your family line. These aren't just personal quirks; they're cycles that repeat if we don't address them.

As men, we have a unique responsibility here. We're often the ones expected to "tough it out," but that mindset only perpetuates the problem. The real power move? Recognizing that it stops with us—and our wives. Yes, this is a partnership. Stopping generational trauma isn't a solo mission; it's about teaming up but leading with your spouse to rewrite the script.

If you grew up in a home where vulnerability was weakness, you might unintentionally teach your kids the same. Or if conflict was handled with yelling and silence, that becomes the default in your marriage. But when you and your wife decide to break that chain, magic happens. You talk openly about your past hurts, seek counseling together, and model healthy communication. You're not just healing yourselves; you're preventing the transfer of that pain to your children.

Transforming What Was Broken

Here's a phrase that's become my mantra: *Whatever is not transformed is transferred,* thank you Pastor Michael. It's simple but profound. If we don't actively work to change the negative patterns in our lives, we pass them on—whether we mean to or not. But the flip side? Transformation creates a legacy of strength and love.

Start small. Identify one area of trauma in your family history—maybe addiction, abandonment, or unchecked stress. Discuss it openly with your wife. What does it look like in your lives today? How can you transform it? For us, it was breaking the cycle of workaholism. We set boundaries: family dinners without phones, date nights to reconnect, and teaching our kids that rest is as important as hustle.

Build from there. Invest in resources like books on emotional intelligence or couples' workshops. Surround yourselves with a community that supports growth—maybe even join groups for men focused on fatherhood and healing. As you transform, your family evolves into something better: a safe space where mistakes are learning opportunities, emotions are validated, and love flows freely.

We Stop the Trauma with Us!

At the end of the day, it's on us to say, "Enough." We stop the trauma with us! By elevating ourselves and partnering with our wives, we're not just fixing what's broken—we're building a foundation for generations to come. Our kids will grow up knowing they don't have to carry our burdens. They'll inherit tools for resilience, not chains of pain.

If this resonates, drop a comment below: What's one cycle you're committed to breaking in your family? Let's support each other on this journey. Remember, you're not alone—we're in this together.

Cadre of Men is now FREE for any man who wants to surround themselves with other men driven to elevate themselves. No strings attached, Come get connected with men at every level of personal development, come connect, ask for help, battle in challenges together and join us at live events.

Stay strong,

Mathew Winder

President

Cadre of Men